ZOMBIELAND
When you spend your existence being contrary and occasionally even troublesome, life can be challenging. Though many brats emerge from the hormone filled paddling pool that is adolescence, sadly, only one in ten brats survives to late adulthood. Many fall by the wayside and are absorbed into mainstream society, where they spend their days doing sums and licking the wallpaper. Is that the sort of future you want for yourself? No? Then you need this guide. It has rules in it, rules you will of course, break immediately.
However unlike other rules, pointless, silly rules set by people in positions of authority, rules like ‘It’s not okay to re-direct the neighbor’s mail because they keep having loud parties,’ and ‘Fairy costumes are not appropriate attire for casual Fridays’, these rules are ones that will save your ass, so you break them at your own peril.
Rule # 1 when it comes to surviving as a brat is the same Rule #1 you’ll need for inevitable zombie invasions.
Rule #1. CARDIO
A brat that can’t escape a 200 lb Top at full speed is a brat that risks losing brat status. Why? Because even the most resilient brat is in danger of becoming good if they are spanked often and hard enough. It is a brat’s main mandate to avoid spankings at all costs, no matter how much they may be deserved, and no matter how far you may have gone out of your way to earn one.
Cardio is the only tool that will definitely get your ass out of trouble. That and a few aliases you can live under whilst the heat dies down. Build up your cardio by engaging in at least 40 minutes of vigorous physical exercise every day. This can include doing housework, walking the dog, and stockpiling nuclear weapons.
If you accidentally get mixed up in some BDSM, cardio may be the only thing that saves your ass. You’re a brat, not a submissive, and you don’t play like one. You don’t get pleasure from service, you get pleasure from getting away with things. This puts you fundamentally at odds from the bulk of leather clad kinksters who find you mouthy, irritating and may even accuse you of being ‘not a real sub.’ Damn straight. (Seriously, watch out for them, they’ll pee on you if they get the chance. With real pee.)
(They may not pee on you. Maybe they’ll give you a cup of tea and some candy, what do I know? I know that I’ve never been to a BDSM club where anyone got a cup of tea, that’s what I know. Mhm. Voice of experience here.)
Remember. CARDIO.
[...] bratting, and of the effort involved in running away afterward. No matter how closely one follows Rule #1, there are limits. Therefore, the advanced brat should incite brattiness in others. In this fashion [...]
Very clever, and very funny!
But I hate to disillusion you: your cardio will NOT save you from zombies. Even if you run like a gazelle, and they are moving at the speed of a tortoise, you know they will always catch up with you right after you enter the rickety old shack. It never fails.
Better strategy would be to enlist the aid of zombie brats (yes, you are everywhere). Get them to tie their elders’ shoelaces to stationary objects, and when they move they will leave ankles and legs behind. I can just imagine the hilarity.
Zombie brats, there’s an entirely new concept waiting for a story to go around it.
How do you spank a brat when their ass keeps falling off?